There is NO accidental SUCCESS, FAILURES or SATISFACTION in MARRIAGE.
There is nothing like, “Oh you married a good man or woman. What a luck. Marriage successes isn’t based on luck”
EVERY MARRIAGE that succeeded or lasts for a long time doesn’t just happen by accident, a lot of work were done behind the scenes.
For your marriage to last, you must do something about it because the success or longevity of any marriage depends on the couple .
Your marriage is what you make of it.
The quality of your marriage rests on your shoulders.
Marriage doesn’t last long again these days and a lot of things are contributing to that. The life expectancy of marriages these days is between a month to five years. It’s quite alarming.
The global divorce rate is scarily crazy.
Marriage 101 (Part 2)
“I can’t marry you, I see you as a brother/sister!”
I have seen lots of good people allow great men and women who would have made exceptional spouses slip off of their fingers because of the above statement.
In my own experience, there was a lady friend of mine that I started considering for marriage some years ago. We were very close friends in the university and could discuss about anything with each other.
Infact several people thought we were dating but we weren’t. Some years after graduation, I called her up on phone to express my heart before her. I told her how amazing I thought it would be if our friendship translated into marriage. She turned down the idea insisting that she saw me as a brother. I jokingly said, “but nor be my mama born you.”
I definitely know that you can’t possibly have a love relationship with every friend of the opposite sex. You shouldn’t, even. But I consider it as lack of understanding to turn down a proposal from a man just because you already share a cordial brotherly relationship with him or to friend zone a sister because you guys are close.
The truth is brotherhood and friendship are the greatest glue for marriage. We all know how we relate with our siblings. We can have a heated quarrel one minute. Just when people think we would never talk to each other again, they will see us gisting and playing again. Why? The bond of brotherhood is drawing us back to each other.
In my maternal family where I grow up, when you see them quarrel or argue you will think that they would never reconcile. Sooner than later you will see all of them laughing like nothing ever happened. That’s the power of brotherhood.
Unfortunately, this is lacking in many marriages. The couples were never brethren let alone friends before marriage. They probably met somewhere in town. Got attracted to each other, fell head over heels in love and landed in marriage in no time. That is why many men can take a lot of rubbish and insults from their blood sisters but can’t take half of such from their wives without being violent. Brotherhood is grossly missing!
Let me show you some verses in the Bible that drive home this point:
Songs of solomon 8:1 – “If only you were to me LIKE A BROTHER, who was nursed at my mother’s breasts! Then, if I found you outside, I would kiss you, and no one would despise me.”
Songs of Solomon 4:9-10:
9 You have captivated my heart, MY SISTER, my bride; you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. (ESV)
10 How fair is thy love, MY SISTER, my spouse! how much better is thy love than wine! and the smell of thine ointments than all spices! (KJV)
Apparently, these two folks are crazily in love. See how contemporary their lyrics sound. But notice the mention of brother and sister before lover. If brotherhood would take roots in marriages the rate of divorce will reduce drastically. Many of us have taken alot of ‘shet’ from our blood relatives yet we have never disowned them. But if a fragment of such would ever come from our spouses, hell will visit the earth on that day.
Some men are quick to flinging their wives luggage out of the house. Why? No brotherly love. No compassion! What brought them together in the first place was puppy love. Hormones were in charge! Or it was ATM Cards getting married to hips and waist.
What I am sharing with you has helped my wife and I have very minimal conflict. It has helped us to easily apologise to each other. “I am sorry” is not heavy to say for each of us.
Brotherly love will carry you on when emotional love is low. It will bind you together in the seasons of nil romance. Consider yourself blessed if you ever marry your brother or sister. Even Abraham made his servant to swear that Isaac’s wife must be chosen from amongst his brethren.
Don’t you see the wisdom in it? Well, I hope this helps somebody. This wisdom is not taught in Hollywood nor Nollywood. It only comes from the author of all wisdom – God!
So, if you’re single, engaged or married, you NEED to KNOW these things I’m about to share with you.
These are the things that make marriage to lasts.
1.The marriage that lasts is the one that has THE GOD FACTOR.
God is the Custodian and Source of marriage and no marriage will last on the long run without His input.
NOTHING survives without its SOURCE.
Many people are neglecting God and His instructions concerning marriage.
I wonder how they expect the thing to LAST.
Give God(the real head of the family) His place in your marriage.
2.The marriage that lasts is one where the couples are COMPATIBLE to and with each other.
According to a survey, lack of COMPATIBILITY is the LEADING cause of why many marriages are breaking up globally.
So, the marriage that lasts is the one where the couples are COMPATIBLE, compatible in; belief system, values, purpose, vision, dreams, ambitions, hobbies, interests, preferences etc.
When there’s no compatibility, there will be lots of irreconcilable differences and if not well handled will lead to the end of the marriage.
Don’t joke with this nor allow love to deceive you, TWO CAN’T walk TOGETHER except there’s an AGREEMENT.
IT’S NOT POSSIBLE!
3.The marriage that lasts is the one where there’s UNDERSTANDING. Understanding means to get, comprehend or grasp the meaning of something.
So, you MUST understand your partner, the differences between you both, their likes and dislikes, dos and don’ts, the things that piss them off and avoid them. You must also understand their feelings, worries and complains.
It’s a full-time job and also a process. It doesn’t happen once.
4.The marriage that lasts is the one where there’s TOLERANCE.
Tolerance is an important skill anyone must learn, not just those getting married.
You must learn how to allow, ignore or overlook some things if you want your marriage to lasts.
It’s not every single matter you must say something about.
Your partner is going to be naughty at times that you will be wondering how you end up with such a person but you must learn how to allow, ignore or overlook the naughtiness. If you’re the type that doesn’t tolerate, you will tear your marriage in no time.
5.The marriage that lasts is the one where there is ENDURANCE.
We have a lot of impatient folks rushing into marriage expecting everything to rosy, lovey dovey etc. Sorry to disappoint you, it’s not gonna be like that all the time.
Every marriage has its high and low moments.
You enjoy the high moments and endure the low moments.
Sometimes, you have to endure and be patient with your partner to stop a particular habit or behavior. Sometimes, you have to endure in times of sickness etc.
6.The marriage that lasts is the one where there’s TEAMWORK.
Marriage is about AGREEMENT, TEAMWORK. It’s about two people working together for a mutual and a common goal.
Competing to be better than your partner shows you’re foolish because marriage is not a place for competition but TEAMWORK.
So, you must learn to carry your partner along.
You must delete from your vocabulary the word “I” and starting using the word “We.”
7.The marriage that lasts is the one where there’s SACRIFICE.
Sacrifice is the emblem of marriage. It means giving up yourself for your partner. Sometimes, you will have to give up your happiness, comfort for the sake of your marriage. If you are the selfish type, you will not last long in marriage.
Selfish people don’t last long in marriage.
8.The marriage that lasts is the one where there’s FORGIVENESS.
Don’t even bother to get married if you are the type that finds it difficult to forgive to avoid being in the Guinness Book Of Record as the most divorced person in the world.
Your partner will offend you often mostly unintentional. You must learn to forgive.
You learn to let go of the anger, the resentment, the bitterness etc., if you want to last in marriage.
9.The marriage that lasts is the one where there’s FUN.
Marriage is not a battleground.
So, when there’s fun in marriage, there won’t be boredom and people won’t get tired of such marriage.
Many people are just enduring unnecessarily in marriage.
No fun, nothing nothing. Everything seems to be predictable. Boring!
You MUST create time for fun.
Eat out sometimes, travel sometimes, go see a movie, play, joke and laugh.
10.The marriage that lasts is the one where there’s Effective COMMUNICATION.
Many people have destroyed their marriages with their own mouths. They don’t know how to communicate to and with their partner concerning issues bothering them.
So, effective communication is act you must learn if you want your marriage to last. You must learn how to communicate properly.
You must learn how not to let your emotions get in the way.
11.Finally, the marriage that lasts is the one where there’s LOVE and TRUST.
These TWO here seems to be the FOUNDATION of MARRIAGE.
Every other thing rests on them.
You must learn to love and to trust who you marry because no marriage survives without these two things here. They’re crucial.
When you don’t love or trust, you can’t give your partner your best neither can receive the best from your partner. God so loved the world and He gave us His best, His Son.
There maybe other things but here are the basics;
10. EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
11. LOVE & TRUST
Please share if this makes sense. I appreciate your numerous shares in my previous posts.
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